Human relationships are the most messy, volatile and fragile bonds of energy found in existence, especially the ones with whom we spend most of the time together.
Traditionally spirituality talks about the world and all it’s relationships as unreal and also as a bondage. However if the relations and world are unreal then the feeling of bondage experienced by them is also unreal. Hence there can not be bondage for the one who sees the unreal as unreal even though he or she may live in relative world of relations and possessions. Only those who believe the unreal to be the real find themselves to be in bondage which is also unreal but experienced as solid reality.
The one who is intent on exploring reality of life and ways of freedom must not see the world and relationships as bondage, rather as means, gifts and learning institutions, to understand and educate himself or herself about ones human nature and the nature of reality in entirety.
Only when we fail to learn from anything where we have experienced pain and suffering we continue to suffer even more painfully. Initially Pain may be there because of ignorance, but suffering is perpetuated because of our indifference to learn or learned helplessness to allow suffering to happen without exploring. But the moment we invoke within us the ability to learn which requires us to be open, humble and not reactive, doors of intuition and insights start opening.
As far as relationships are concerned, all of them are based either on implicit or explicit agreements of fulfillment of certain expectations. Therefore it is always better to know about what the other person exactly expects from your role in that relationship. This will ensure that you can play your role with certain clarity and to best of your abilities, even sometimes exceeding their expectations.
You may also have certain expectation from a relationship, however as a spiritual seeker the right approach to realize your true Self and be free of any emotional turmoils is not to expect anything from others at all. Remember, there is only one mind we all have which is engaged in various relationships and activities of the world. Our experiences and learning in life happen through and in the mind, not because of our body, wealth, car, house, etc. Therefore our mind must be taken care of in the best possible way, more than the body. If we allow the mind to become angry, reactive, moody, upset or depressed, for example while playing the role of a husband or wife or boss or subordinate, then it will inevitably impact other roles and aspects of our life.
Also when you know you have to give something to someone to make them happy, you must express heartfelt gratitude either openly to the person every time you are in the act of giving and even while receiving. Because the ultimate manifestation of spiritual living in relationship happens when we educate the mind to give without expecting, receive without complaining or judging and loving without demanding or condemning. The so called unreal or virtual world of relationships are therefore crucially important for a spiritual seeker to educate and discipline his/her mind. With a mind which is tuned inwardly and for spiritual evolution, the love, wisdom, understanding, compassion and joy of the true and actual Self start getting manifested through the role it assumes and in the relationships.
Therefore if in any of your relationship with your loved ones you find yourself to be torn in pieces, filled with hurt, anger, shock, resentment and hatred, it is because- 1) you have not chosen to learn from your past experiences, 2) you have not spend enough time and effort to understood your own mind and its peculiar personality and desires as well as the personality and desires of the other person deep enough, and 3) most importantly your ego, the virtual reality, its attitude, thought processes, drama and emotions have not surrendered to the actual spiritual reality-the Source, your Self!
There are people who want to save a relationship and continue to be with someone despite feeling meaningless and unhappy, due to fear of being alone, social stigma, etc. only to experience similar pain and suffering every day. For them complaining, comparing, resenting, living in fear and dejection becomes normal day to day affair. This is because they believe their happiness, love and worth lies in the relationship and someone outside. Therefore they expect the other person to change and have become totally rigid within them to change or see things in new ways.
But as a spiritual seeker we must clearly see that love, joy, worth, and power arena my ow being and not in the outside world. Hence it is “my need” to learn, educate, grow and evolve as a human being using this very relationship and situation as a blessing, as a gift from the Source. I have to change the vision and perception of my own mind which has been conditioned due to whatever reasons, and the roles I am playing are the only way by which I could realize and at the same time manifest my true essence.
In fact the Source, the divine intelligence never adds challenges in our life whether in form of relationships or work, to quit on them, to complain and become bitter. If you have asked and prayed for more love, joy, wisdom, power and creativity in your life, then the Source will make sure you are with someone and going through certain situations which will bring you closer and closer to what you have asked for.
Because true love, joy, power and creativity are in our own being, in our relationship with the Source, and not in external relationships or the world. Every person or situation we may see and judge as a problem and distressing factor, is actually a perfectly designed and specifically assigned opportunity by the divine for our spiritual evolution, whether we may want to believe it or not!
This subtle functioning of the spiritual laws is missed by people and they continue to blame others and the world for their sufferings and miseries, when in the first place they themselves had asked or demanded from God, Universe, or from their own self for love, joy, power, wisdom and creativity! The Universe is just answering to your prayers and responding to your deepest desires.
This shift in our perception, that whatever is happening right now is happening because there was no other way it could have happened, breaks open the most hardened walls of one’s ego and its intellect.
Thereafter when one truly recognizes that this person and this situation with all their associated complexities and undesirable traits exists only because it was my asking and for my spiritual evolution, it fills one heart with true humility and gratitude.
However to reach to this stage of inner consciousness one must take a stand of being a spiritual seeker and rise above the materialistic plane of existence and its virtual realities.
Living on the material plane of life makes the mind view people and the world as utilities and things to be used for one’s security, happiness and pleasure. This happens due to identification of one self with the body and its emotions, sensations and physiology as me and mine which must be secured and fulfilled any which ways. Instead of seeing life as a whole beyond the bodily needs, the mind projects and imagines reality to be only body oriented creating a virtual reality.
Thus instead of seeing people as human beings corporations start seeing people only as employees and customers who can be hired and fired or who need to be sold as many things to make profit. Politicians start seeing human beings only as vote banks and nations as markets where they can extend their trade to become more powerful. Within family people start seeing human beings only as a mother, father, brother, sisters, husband, wife, etc. from whom they can get something and feel happy and secured.
All these virtual identities appear and continue to exist only when the mind gets identified with the body and its characteristics as me and mine.
When certain expectations are not met, then the mind caught in material plain of existence and run by virtual identities feel threatened and frustrated, reacting in a manner which is typical fight or flight response of an animal.
Therefore spiritual seeker is the one who wants to rise above the material plane of existence, the animal instincts of reactions based in fear, greed and survival and eventually above the illusory play of virtual identities. He must have full clarity of what spiritual priciest is and thereby continue to develop a vision of mind which is rooted in oneness and wholeness of life and free from every sort of fragmentation and limitiations.
It is exactly for this reason that sooner a spiritual seeker gives up every expectation from people and the world to make him feel happy, loved, secured, worthy and powerful, faster he shall rise above the relative material plane of existence. And this letting go depends upon the level of maturity of the seeker, which makes him or her clearly discern the real from the virtual, the self from the non self, the ephemeral from the eternal.
Then the line of thinking and the quality of speech and actions of the seeker are throughly refined and appropriately based on what is needed in the given moment, than acting out of personal likes and dislikes in the heat of the moment.
peace love joy blessings,